Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
