I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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