The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
