No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
FUCK WHALES
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