You can't special order awesome
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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