I just cut my nipple shaving
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
