I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
