I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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