so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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