bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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