last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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