She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
