Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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