in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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