Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
