you guys were way drunker than both of me
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
