and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
