Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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