I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
