bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
