im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
