I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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