Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Every concussion has its silver lining
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
