No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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