Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dignity is for republicans.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
