I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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