I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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