I think i sorta joined a cult last night
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
