I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
