I just made out with a guy for $7.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
