I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
