Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
