So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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