i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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