that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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