Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
