I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
