Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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