We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
