She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
