she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
