I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
