I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
