Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
