remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
