just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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