I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
