the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Dignity is for republicans.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
