Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
