How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
