he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
