I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
