I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
