i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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